LOOKING BACK ON THE DARKNESS

For almost a year before my late husband’s death, I sang these lyrics daily. My heart was hurting and everything seemed dark. The waves of grief and pain felt as if they were going to overtake me and I was weary. Daily, I had to preach to my soul the goodness, faithfulness and powerfulness of the God that I served…especially when I didn’t “feel” it! I had to remind myself in the darkness what I knew to be true in the light. The words of Isaiah 43:1-2 were constantly on my tongue. I cried out to God, begging him, “I believe, help my unbelief.” (Matthew 9:24)

You see, as the uncertainty of the future loomed ahead, I was fearful. I needed to be reminded that God was for me and with me! I had to pass through turbulent waters, but they did not overtake me. Hallelujah, my mighty God provided the grace and strength needed to push through what lay ahead. 

“Sorrow has its place. Even though I can see God’s provision and I can see the good in all the bad, my heart still aches like I never knew that it could…and that’s okay.  Sorrow draws us to the heart of God. He is literally the only one who can soothe and heal this kind of pain. He is the only one that truly knows how deep the ache is. My hope is placed on the promise that my sorrow will not last forever. God sees my heartache, he sees my tears and he will ALWAYS provide and comfort me. That alone overwhelms my heart with thankfulness. God never promised me a life with no heartache.  What I have learned is that the greater the suffering, the more intimate the relationship with my Creator.” (Except from my Facebook post July 29, 2020)

Here I am today, in 2024, testifying to God’s goodness. If you had asked me back in 2020 what I thought my life would look like, I would have never in a million years imagined this! I would not have been able to imagine remarrying and adding a baby to our family! I would not have been able to imagine the joy and peace God has given amid sorrow. But oh, God is so good. In his kindness, he has lavished his richest blessings upon me! He has been so, so very good to me! But you know what is even more incredible than the earthly blessings that he’s given? The opportunity to truly see through personal lived experience the truth of Romans 8:28-29. To grow in confidence and assurance of his protection and provision and to feel his closeness has been truly incredible! The Lord has provided for me in every way. And now, as life seems even more complicated and harder than it was back then, I can say with confidence that one day I will look back on this moment and I will see God’s hand in all of it! Praise the Lord for that!

For those of you who are struggling and experience the intense pains of living in a fallen world, know that you have a Savior who loves you! You have a High Priest who can sympathize with you and understands your weakness. (Hebrews 4:15) You have a God who is there to comfort you! He will not leave you and he will see you through these raging waters, for we know that “He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion.” (Philippians 1:6) Satan wants to convince you that whatever you are facing right now will destroy you, but it won’t! Your loving Father will use it for your good, to help you become a little more like Christ. I pray that you too will look back on this moment and see God working for your good!