HEALING AFTER ADULTERY

Foolish, embarrassed, inadequate, angry, shameful, dirty…those are just a few of the things I felt after learning of my late husband’s affairs.

“If I was prettier or nicer or thinner, he wouldn’t have slept with other women”…those are just a few of the lies Satan was whispering in my ear.

If you have had to experience the pain of adultery in your marriage, I want to tell you that through the incredible mercy of God, there is hope and healing. I still bear the scars, but the scars represent the goodness of my God. The scars represent his faithfulness and his protection over me. I still cry tears, but the Lord comforts me.

I honestly don’t know if all the hurt will go away, but when I feel the hurt, I am reminded of God’s faithfulness through the pains of living in this broken world.

In situations that involve sexual sin, the person who commits the violation leaves the victim feeling dirty and guilty. I hate that. I hate that the Accuser stands accusing the innocent party. When I think back to the day I went in for STD testing, I am reminded of the intense shame and guilt I felt. It was as if I was walking into the doctor’s office with the scarlet letter written across my chest. I felt condemned and utterly embarrassed; angry that someone else’s actions resulted in me feeling the way I did. I felt like I was being violated all over again.

If you feel this way today, for whatever reason, here are a few reminders:

God is your defender and protector.

“You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word.” Psalm 119:114

“I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.” Psalm 18:1-2

You are valuable to your Heavenly Father.

“Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” Matthew 6:26

“You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men.” 1 Corinthians 7:23

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

You are not responsible (nor should you feel personal guilt) for the sin of another person.

Your spouse’s unfaithfulness has nothing to do with you being inadequate. It is their own personal sin problem.

No one and no thing can separate you from the loving embrace of your heavenly Father.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39

The day I found out about the affairs, my mind was out of control! In desperation, I cried out to God for help. One of the most healing things I did was to pray for the other women. I prayed God would reach out his mighty hand and save them. I prayed they would experience His forgiveness. This is not a simple thing to do. Praying for my enemies goes against everything in my flesh. In complete honesty, praying for those women was the very last thing I ever wanted to do. However, Matthew 5:44 says to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” So that’s what I did. I confessed to God that I did not want to pray for them. I confessed to God the raw and very honest feelings I felt towards those who had violated my marriage bed. And then I began praying for them in a way that I thought would most honor the Lord and the way I would want someone else to pray for me if I had been the offender.

Obviously, my situation is unique to most husbands/wives dealing with adultery since my spouse is no longer living. I have linked an article that may be helpful in rebuilding relationships. I would also highly recommend seeking Godly counsel to aid in the process of forgiveness and restoration. How incredible is it that we serve a God that is able to heal brokenness. A God that will not just restore a relationship to what it once was, but a God that will build it into something even better than it was!

https://christiancounseling.com/blog/uncategorized/after-the-affair-ten-steps-of-healing/

Hallelujah! We serve a God who has already defeated sin and death and will one day right all the wrongs!